| TERM | DEFINITION |
| Goblet of Eternal Youth | Once, twice, three times immortal... The fountain of youth isn't a myth—it's an espresso machine! Desdemona's Temptation, affectionately known as Mona to those in the know, has the ability to shape shift to protect herself from those who wish to abduct her. Back in the day, she was a jewel encrusted goblet. Today, she's an espresso machine hanging out in the kitchen of a fancy NYC condo. Usually. She can go incognito as well, but we can't tell you what other forms she takes, or we'll have to kill you.
**Editor's Note: In the series, the reader never hears the story of how Mona got her name. Mona has been stalking me for months, demanding that her story be told, so here it is:
Many moons ago, a ruthless Greek ruler ordered a witch named Desdemona to devise a test that would reveal which of his guards were trustworthy. The witch created an immortal goblet of life, three sips of which would make the drinker forever young. She named the cup Desdemona's Temptation, Mona for short.
The king assigned guards to Mona, told them what they were protecting, then left them alone with the Goblet. Those who succumbed to the temptation and drank from Mona were slayed as traitors to the king. Those who resisted were lauded as heroes and worshipped for their inner strength and their loyalty. Of course, they were also killed because they knew about the Goblet, but at least they died with glory. Fortunately for the Greek guards, the king eventually realized that his plan was depleting the guard ranks too quickly, and he realized how dangerous the temptation of the Goblet really was. Since Mona cannot be destroyed, he was forced to send the Goblet into hiding with one Guardian who could be trusted to keep her truly safe, and to protect humanity from her.
And thus the legend of Desdemona's Temptation begins. |
| Satan | Leader of the Underworld. Shameless seducer of women. Owner of the world's largest porn museum. Hopelessly smitten with a certain defrocked Guardian. |
| The Afterlife | Where all living creatures go when they "die." But they're not really dead. They're just hanging out in another existence, and can even pop down to the Mortal world for the occasional visit. Caveat: if you die when you're in the Afterlife, then you're really dead. |
| Heaven | The mother of all parties for the folks who have gone to the Afterlife with a clean resume. |
| Purgatory | Purgatory is kind of like your middle class suburban neighborhood, where new arrivals to the Afterlife do yoga and play tennis, waiting for the final judgment on whether they're heading north or south for all eternity. If anyone asks your opinion, vote for north. |
| Underworld | Satan's little playground where he tortures souls, has huge parties, and houses the largest porn museum in existence. Also known as hell. |
| Hell | Best to be avoided. Really. |
| Otherworld | All things that aren't of the human world. Includes the Underworld, the Afterlife, all the magical beings running around in the Mortal World... and then there's a whole slew of realms that we haven't even touched upon. |
| Mortal World | Earth as humans know it, except there are lots of Otherworld beings running around with the humans. Not that the humans know it. Yet. |
| The Council | The governing body of the Otherworld. Ruthless, intrusive and generally a little too impressed with themselves and the massive amount of power they have over all the little peons in existence. Plus, there's mutiny in the ranks. Try to stay off their radar, okay? |
| The Chamber of Unspeakable Horrors | Created by Satan to amuse himself, later purchased by the Council to use as a threat and actual punishment for anyone who pisses them off. As bad as hell is, the Chamber is even worse. At least in hell, you get to go to occasional orgies of the S&M variety. In the Chamber, it's pretty much the worst torture imaginable. Forever. No one has ever emerged sane enough to explain exactly what kind of torture is in the Chamber, so use your imagination. |
| Qualifying Incident | A test. Sort of like how they used to test for witchcraft back in the days of the Salem witch trials-- they tried to drown you, and if you survived, you were a witch and promptly killed, but if you drowned, you were declared innocent, but you were also dead. Yeah, like that, in theory. Nice and logical. Basically, sometimes your true nature isn't entirely clear (i.e. whether you belong in heaven or hell), so the Council has to manufacturer a Qualifying Incident to discover your true nature. It's usually a choice between sucky and suckier, but what else would you expect from the Council? |
| Guardian | The being who has taken the Guardian Oath to protect the Goblet of Eternal Youth forever. There are lots of rules pertaining to Guardianship, and none of them make the job very fun, except being allowed to kill anyone who threatens her. But that's kind of trumped by the "have no sex, no friends, and no personal life" requirements. |
| Guardian Oath | The binding oath that the Guardian takes when she becomes the Guardian. Once given, there's no going back. |
| Backup Guardian | No fortune 500 company would lack the foresight to have a backup plan in case any of their key players go down, and the Council is every bit as smart. At all times, a backup Guardian is identified and ready to step in should the Guardian do something silly like get herself beheaded and sent to hell. |
| Assistant Guardian | Even a Guardian has moments where they need a little help, and that's what the Assistant Guardian is for. The AG sits on her duff about 99% of the time, but has to be available for that one emergency each century in which the Guardian has to vacate to chase down and kill a Mona stalker. It's a great job for the lazy, but boring as hell for anyone with a pulse. |
| Treatise on Guardianship | The antiquated, out-dated, but oh-so-binding leather bound volume that delineates every single rule for Guardian behavior. The Council loves to call upon obscure footnotes to get Guardians into trouble, but at the same time, a savvy Guardian can turn those minutia into backup for her own actions, saving her butt and the Goblet. If you're a Guardian, read the Treatise. Seriously, it's boring as hell, but read it. |
| Appendix to the Treatise on Guardianship | All the additional rules on Guardianship that the Council forgot to put in the original volume. Funny how they don't always remember to tell Guardians that it exists. Bastards. |
| Rivka | Satan's personal minions, specifically created so they have to obey his every command and can't kill him without killing themselves in the process (very handy safeguard when you're the leader of Hell and not exactly everyone's favorite boss). They are supported by his life force and quite handy at harvesting souls. Unfortunately for Satan, his number one Rivka isn't so happy about her destiny... |
| Dragon | Fire breathing scaly creatures who can kick some serious ass when in dragon form, and are still pretty tough when in human form... except when they've been sitting on their butt eating no-carb pretzels and having cyber-sex for the last two hundred years. Then you've got a cranky, out-of-shape dragon with a tendency to accidentally burn up furnishings. |
| Dragon slayers | Otherworld beings whose destiny is to slay dragons. They can't help it, they don't question it, it's simply who they are. Well, at least that's how it's supposed to work. There's always one slayer who has to try to buck the system, isn't there? Men. So difficult sometimes. |
| Manasa | Mind-reading Otherworld beings who can make a killing selling illegally gained secrets on Ebay. There are some built-in safeguards preventing them from totally abusing their powers, but they work only if the person dealing with the Manasa is smart enough to invoke them. Manasas draw their power from a specific color, which determines how powerful they are. If you run into a green Manasa in a dark alley, you better hope you've got no juicy skeletons in your closet... |
| Mablevi | Otherworld being with secret talents. Not gonna tell you what they are. You have to read the book to find out. |
| The Curse | Derek LaValle and his male relatives are all cursed to die at the exact same age, unless one of them finds the Goblet of Eternal Youth, beheads the Guardian and steals the Goblet. Too bad the Goblet is very well hidden, eh? And protected by a very determined and very sexy Guardian who's just itching for a little action. |
| Vic's No Carb Pretzels | Founded by pretzel mogul Derek LaValle, Vic's Pretzels has revolutionized the hot pretzel market. Delicious, soft, and completely no-carb. No one knows how he did it, and he's not telling. But damn, he's rich. |
| Power of Suggestion | Some Otherworld beings have the ability to compel behaviors merely by suggesting them. People vary in their susceptibility to these suggestions, and it takes an extremely powerful Power of Suggestion to be able to compel other Otherworld beings. Humans, on the other hand, are a piece of cake. |
