"fine yuletide reading" Harriet Klausner

Angie Miller eyed the fake mini Christmas tree on the corner of her desk.

Wonder if it's fire retardant?

Anything holiday related didn't deserve to live.

She pulled open her desk drawer and rummaged through it to find the lighter she kept for office birthday parties. She searched past a toothbrush, tooth paste, an emergency stash of tampons and her Christmas CD's to find her lighter.

Damned thing had a snowman on it.

After she burned the tree, she'd have to find a hammer and smash the lighter too.

She grabbed the tree, shook it over the trashcan to free the shiny little balls, then held the lighter up to the branch.

To think she'd been so excited for this holiday season. Hah.

The tree smoked and emanated a nasty smell that sort of reminded of her burnt microwave popcorn multiplied by a thousand.

But no flame. Figured. She couldn't even successfully destroy all evidence of the holiday season. Nothing was going right for her.

"Angie! What is that god-awful smell?" Her friend Heidi Oliver, who was wearing a full-fledged elf costume complete with green felt shoes with bells on the toes, flung the door open. Her gaze caught the lighter flame trying to ignite the tip of one of the branches. "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? Trying to burn this thing. Not working so well." She eyed her friend's pointed hat. "Nice outfit. Is it flammable?"

"Don't even think about setting me on fire." Heidi grabbed the tree out of her hand and set it on the corner of the desk, annoyingly out of reach. "Since when are you in a bad mood on the first Monday after Thanksgiving? This is your primo season." She gestured to the walls, which were decorated with tinsel, lights and snowflakes. "You could get run over a by a car during the Christmas season and still be in a fabulous mood. So what's up with the pyromania?"

Angie sighed and held up her left hand. "This."

Heidi frowned. "What's wrong with your hand?"

"It's empty."

"Right...and your point is?"

Nothing like friends to forget the most important day of your life. Or utter lack thereof. "Don't you remember? The private Thanksgiving celebration with Roger, instead of a crazy affair with my family? Specially orchestrated by Roger so we could be alone on the holiday?"

"Ohh...right..." Heidi slid into the chair opposite Angie's desk, her bells jangling with annoying chipperness. "So, I'm guessing the one year anniversary of the day you guys started dating didn't culminate in a proposal of marriage, huh? Or does he want you to foot the bill for the ring? Yeah, that's probably it. With the company not doing so well and everything, he'd probably want you to pay for it. Modern man and all."

"You can stop pretending to like him. He dumped me." He dumped me. Just saying the words was like taking a dagger to her heart, and No, she wasn't being melodramatic.

Heidi blinked. "He dumped you? As in, broke up? As in, I'm no longer going to woo you in hopes that the Miller inheritance will wind up in my bank account once I marry you?"

"Don't hide your feelings. Tell me how you really feel." Like she wanted to hear Heidi expound on her favorite topic: why Roger wasn't good enough for her.

"This is great!" Obviously, her sarcasm was lost on Heidi, as Heidi jumped to her feet and started doing the Snoopy dance. "Now you can really enjoy the holiday season! Imagine if you'd gotten yourself wedded to that slow-brained, penny-pinching, sponging dimwit? Christmas came early for you!"

Funny how she wasn't feeling the real strong female-bonding thing right now. "You better watch it. When we get back together you're going to have to make up for insulting the man I love."

Heidi stopped the jig that was making the stupid bells jangle so loud Angie wanted to rip them right off and dump them in the garbage disposal to really mangle them. "You wouldn't dare."

"Dare? What does this have to do with daring?"

"You know I've been hoping for this day for an entire year. If you take back this gift, then you aren't a true friend." Heidi folded her arms across her chest and jutted her chin out in an impressive display of pouting.

"You're the one who isn't a true friend. Can't you see I'm devastated?" Understatement of the millennium. "I love Roger. We belong together." Angie felt the burn of tears at the back of her eyes. Bastard. How dare he make her cry? She lifted her chin. "Can you hand me the tree again? I really need to vent." She picked up the lighter. "I'll pretend it's Roger. That should make you happy."

Heidi grabbed the tree and cradled it to her glittery red vest. "No chance. Hand over the lighter or I'm turning you in."

"To who?"

"The authorities. Granted, I'm all for torturing Roger, but if you end up burning down this office, then I'll be out of a job, and I won't be able to pay for all my new clothes for the holiday parties and my honeymoon. You wouldn't do that to me, would you?" Heidi flopped down in the chair again. "So, I'm thinking of going to Tiffany's and making a list of the items I like, so Quin will know what to buy me for a wedding present. Do you think that's tasteless? I mean, I know he's going to buy me jewelry, so there's nothing wrong with giving him a little guidance is there? He is guy, after all. They usually aren't born with a natural sense of fashion."

"How did you know that talking about your upcoming wedding would be exactly what I needed to make me forget that I just got dumped by the man I thought was going to propose?" Angie shoved her chair back from her desk and started yanking decorations off her walls. "You must be a genius."

"Hey there, missy." Heidi jumped up and grabbed Angie's wrist before she could really gather some good momentum in the holiday destruction effort. "How can you let some schmuck destroy your joy in your favorite season and your excitement about your best friend's wedding? Ten years from now, you'll look back and be so angry at yourself for letting some loser ruin your holiday." Her rouged elfin cheeks winked and grinned, the complete antithesis of the burning anger, depression and total misery pervading Angie's body and soul.

"He's not a loser."

"Course he is. If he wasn't a loser, he wouldn't have dumped you, right?"

Angie almost grinned. "Not a bad line of logic, Heidi."

"See? I am a genius." Her eyes still sparkling, Heidi leaned forward. "Don't mean to pressure you, but what time are you going to have your story done? I need to copy-edit it and get it posted online by five o'clock today. You may technically have a midnight deadline, but with me as your copyeditor, I'm saying five o'clock. No way am I staying that late."

The story. The mere thought of it made Angie want to drop her forehead to her desk. Hard. And repeatedly.

"Well?" Heidi looked at her expectantly.

"You really think I'm going to be able to write a daily serial about love and the Christmas season after I just got dumped? When I proposed this project in October, I thought I'd be celebrating my own holiday engagement, so it would be the perfect complement. I can't write about everyone else's love now." Not when every holiday reminder was like a club to the head, reminding her of the sewer her love life had become. Ever since she and Roger fell in love over the holiday season, every twinkling light made her think of him. Now that she hated him, she didn't really want to be thinking of him all the time.

Hence going into denial that it was the holiday season. Which included not writing a story about how the holiday season renews the love of various couples.

Heidi snorted. "Gah. Could you sound more pathetic? You have a job to do, my friend, so do it you must. You know this entire company is depending on whether we impress this client or not. My future, no, all of our futures are in your hands."

"So you write the damn thing."

"Can't. I'm a copyeditor, not a writer." Heidi popped out of her chair. "So, there's a vastly expensive party lunch to kick off the Christmas season today. The big boss is hoping to bring in lots of holiday business."

"Yeah, sure. I'll be there." Seeing as how "the big boss" was also the loser who'd dumped her four days ago, it was quite likely she would get lost on the way to the conference room and not quite manage to find the holiday party.

Heidi leaned forward and set her hands on the table. "Angie."

"What?"

"Roger isn't good enough for you. Don't sweat the break up."

Even knowing that her friend meant well wasn't quite enough to make Angie jump out of her chair and swing her around in a big dance festival. "I'll have the article for you by three. Is that enough time?"

"Barely. Don't be late." Heidi grinned. "Love you, hon. Try to enjoy the Christmas season, okay? You'll feel better."

"Sure." Angie managed to keep herself vertical until Heidi had shut the door behind her, then she laid down on the floor, propped her feet up against the wall, crossed her arms over her face and closed her eyes.

How was she supposed to write a story about love, romance and the holiday season every day for the next twenty-five days?

And to think she thought this assignment would renew her enjoyment in her job.

Fat chance of that.

The door swung open again, and Heidi kicked in her in the butt. "Hey, pathetic creature."

"What?"

"I'm going to Tiffany's at ten to make my list. Want to come? Maybe it'll give you inspiration for your story."

She opened her eyes and looked up at her friend, who was looming over her. "I can see up your elf skirt."

"Sweet. I'll remember that when I see Quin. Maybe it'll lead to some good foreplay." Heidi wiggled her butt. "Think that'll work? Sexy enough for ya?"

Angie groaned and closed her eyes. "I can't deal with you."

"Great. So I'll be by at ten."

"I can't go. I have to write my story." About love and the holiday season. For her boss. Who dumped her. I hate my job.

"You'll still be lying here on the floor at ten. Checking out Tiffany's will be great to help you focus on your client, who, after all, is trying to beef up their department store jewelry counter so they can outsell Tiffany's this season. What better research than sussing out the competition?"

"Go away."

"No. Not 'til you promise to come."

So nice to know she had her own personal stalker. "Are you going to wear that elf outfit in public?"

"Of course. It's the Christmas season. Want me to get one for you so we can be twins?"

Angie opened her eyes and glared at her friend.

"Okay, so maybe not today. I'll see you at ten." Heidi left the door open behind her, no doubt trying to shame Angie into getting off the floor.

Heartless fiend. Next time she was going to pick her friends better.

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